For a long time now, I've toyed with the idea of starting a blog where I could bless the world with my thoughts and improve Christianity with my voice. Well, I didn't actually think of it in those terms but so often that was the state of my heart when I considered blogging. Even though family and friends encouraged me to get my thoughts on the web for the benefit of others, my first reaction was usually less about others, still less about Christ, and more about being known and respected as a biblical thinker (vain human that I am).
Over the last two years, God has knocked me all over the boxing ring of spiritual training. He began uncovering the true depths of my sinfulness, showing me that I am nearly always guilty of using Him for my own personal advancement. Now, we're all used to humans using each other for selfish ends; after all, isn't this what business and politics are all about? And, if we're honest, we must admit we all have used others for economic ends, status or goal achievement, emotional and physical needs...the list goes on. But there's still something that sickens us when friends use friends and family members prey on each other. We all recognize that this just isn't how you treat people you care about, and we are deeply hurt when someone we love uses us as a dispensable commodity.
Why then do we treat God any different than we would treat a loved one, seeing that we claim Him as our heavenly Bridegroom? I've realized in my own life I have a horrible habit of using my prayers and verses I've memorized and nuggets of truth given me by the Spirit to, in an underhanded way, act like I'm doing something for God by serving others with these gifts when I'm really striving after the praise of those I serve. I use God to advance myself! I use His gifts to achieve my own ends.
So lately I've had to question every "spiritual" activity of mine. Am I really praying with this brother to lift him up before God, or am I really praying to him and not God? Am I writing notes during my Bible reading so that I can look back and wonder at all God has taught me, or am I really hoping someone will find these notes, read them, and think what a wonderfully spiritual guy I am? Am I teaching my Youth Group because I want them to seek the Son with all their hearts because He is beautiful and infinitely worthy, or am I putting on a spiritual show so they will wonder at the passionate "godliness" of their youth leader and want to be like him?
And this is why I've hesitated to start a blog. I fear that though I may say I'm writing for the glory of God and the good of others, I might really be using this as yet another medium to put myself on a pedestal. So it is with great fear and trembling that I pen (well, I guess "type" would be accurate) this first entry.
It is my goal to seek the Son through this blog and to do so without shadow of selfish ambition. Like John the Baptist stated so beautifully in John 3:30, He (Jesus) must increase and I must decrease. Such is my hope not only for myself but also for you who read these posts and thoughts on the Scriptures. May we, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, find ourselves transformed into the same image, from glory to glory (II Cor. 3:18). This is the exciting wonder of Son-seeking: In searching hard for Him we become like Him! And as we discover what is truly Beautiful, I pray we will be less inclined to turn our gaze back on ourselves and wallow again in our smallness, our vileness.
Come! Away from our sin, our self-preoccupation, our spiritual sluggishness... Let us seek the Son!
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