My Heart Has Stopped...

Another prayer. I'm sure you can relate.

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Father, my heart right now feels as weak as my flesh. The past few days have seen me physically aching and spiritually destitute. Why do we go through such cycles, Lord? Why can we not enjoy unending fellowship with You and ever-growing oneness with our Savior? Why must life be marked by these periods of barrenness when it is all we can do to maintain our tenuous hold on the unshakeable rock? Why does Eternal Significance Himself become a forgotten pastime to us and the honey-dripping Word taste like dust on our tongues?

Father, I pray more to You for relief from apathy than I do about anything else! I would “walk with You” as Enoch did, leaving far behind the trails of Lot’s wife. I would spend my days with David in Your temple contemplating the beauty of the Lord, yet I fear perhaps I know not how to do this. Thank You that this dryness and feeling of abandonment isn’t unique to me, that I can be comforted knowing David, Elijah, and even Christ Himself knew what it felt like to be abandoned and all alone. Thank You that our human eyes lie to us for they cannot see the spiritual reality–that You are always there and have never left Your people. Far from it, You surround them with flaming chariots and legions of mighty seraphim.

But Lord, I don’t want seraphim tonight; I want You. Come please and meet me and be the Breaker of bread to my soul in these moments. Guard my thoughts, for like a distracted child, I pursue every whim of my imagination and dishonor the presence of my Lover by chasing down squirrelly fancies rather than sitting quietly in my adoration of You. Come be the Center and Life-pulse tonight. I need defibrillation.